Well this should be embarrassing.
#1 – Ponies are not baby Horses
Okay shut up. (You especially Jane.) I didn’t know because at no time in my life have I walked in to a horse pasture and yelled out “all ponies come here immediately” and had all the horses snicker at me like 13 year old girls before 'learning me' on the particulars of that ridiculous fact. Nor have I ever been handed an informational brochure about the distinction. While they do have shit at horse farms - they don't have that type of shit.
While we are in the neighborhood of this subject ....
#2 – Buffalo vs. Bison.
I ask you – when early American settlers (or whomever wrote the damn thing) wrote the legendary song with the line “oh give me a home, where the Buffalo roam…” where did you expect those Cowboys were thinking of? Cause it’s Africa or Asia.
Whaaaat? Right?? Yeah, there are no buffalo in the United States. Those are BISON. Different fricking animal!!! Settlers called our bison 'buffalo' cause they looked similar. The miseducation regarding this fact is not helped by the National Park Service.
I might also mention that for a while I though Bison and Buffalo were the same thing. More accurately I thought that Bison was the multiple term for Buffalo. Shut up. I’m not proud (nor particularly bright.)
#3 – I was overthinking the toilet liners
I guess I just assumed that since the tissue paper offered in some ladies rooms had a cut out that mimicked the oval opening of the toilet – that it would just ‘pop out’ … because it’s a bloody convenience, right? NO. Do you know how many times I would take one of those bizarre tissue kites in to a bathroom stall and fight with it? I mean it’s not like there are instructions on the dispenser (I looked) (and shut up) and it’s not like I do this activity with others. You are alone in there and have no comparison value to other people’s finesse with products. Thank GAWD, I might add.
About 7 months ago I was rushed – I grabbed one and jumped in to a stall and laid it on the toilet lid but I had to go so badly that I didn’t have time to try to surgically extract the center oval tissue so I … well I just sat on it and went. It was at that moment that I realized how blind I had been. You are supposed to pee through it – the force of your two Trenta passion fruit unsweetened iced teas breaks through the oval tissue while your gigantic butt holds the rim in place. See, this is the stuff people never tell you. And I am annoyed by that. I still don’t think it is a perfect product – but now I feel like a total idiot that is slightly less clueless.
It takes guts to admit this shit people. Don’t be haters. Plus, I know you didn’t know that shit about Buffalo. Mmmhmm.