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Crofton, MD, 21114

A long-running personal blog shared by two authors with completely different approaches to life. And a lot of large, beautiful photographs of dogs and nature and places we've traveled to. Rich in commentary and irreverant in style. 

Blog

We started blogging a long time ago. Our work hours never aligned with recommended psychotherapists and we needed to get our thoughts out. We are great friends, total opposites and long-time housemates. This was a way to communicate. With each other. With strangers. With consumer marketers. With sub-par meteorologists. With distant friends who wanted to see pictures of stuff we were up to.

This is the place. Our bucket of thoughts to share. You are welcome. 
(We realize that most of you are here for the dog pictures.)

Product Reviews: AquaHydrate, RedBull and GoPro

Healey

I have opinions. These are some of the things I have them on. (Ignore the fact that they all have capitalization issues.)

#1 - RedBull

Opinion - It still tastes bad.

Recommendation - I say scrap the beverage and just go into extreme sports broadcasting.

Personal Experience - I have drank this with and without alcohol. I did not see the point in either situation. Though I do like little cans because they make my hand appear delicate.

Confucius Says -  This will be around when my son is in college. It is a grape juice stain on society.

#2 - GoPro

Opinion - Almost Awesome!

Recommendation - Put a damn display accessory on the back so people trying to use it hand-held don't look like asshats! I can not shoot and control it from my iPhone or iPad all at the same time.

And yeah sure - it's super cool when you lock it onto the front of your surf board and shoot it at yourself killing waves on the north shore of Maui. Is that really your life? Cause it's not MY LIFE. Do you see me in Maui wanting to take photos of myself in a bathing suit doing ANYthing? No. Do I own an F18 fighter jet? Nope. (But that video was pretty bad ass.) I would totally barf in that situation.

I want to mount it on my dog. Make a plastic bit that HELPS me with that. Your camera is awesome - but it takes shooting then going to a laptop to review - to see what the hell you got. And don't change the lens so that it is no longer slightly fish eyed. I like that aspect and am unable to repeat it on other devices as well or as easily. It is a signature effect to your product.

Where do you guys get this music? It all sounds like it was mixed by a team of mosquitos.

Personal Experience - I have one. I have a Hero2. It gets hot. It breathes heavily under-water and fogs up the lens. It has fallen OUT of my Jeep twice (so the impact resistant shell works :)) It takes great pictures (mostly by accident). I have every accessory sold for that model except the stick thing that the skiers use. Cause that accessory is unnecessary. (pause) bwahahaha.

Confucius Says - It will only get better. It will have longer film times and get less hot. They will put a reverse humidor part in the underwater case that will solve the fog. They will create a rolling robot that will carry it that can be controlled by my iPhone. It will charge and sync through magnets rather than a USB cord. Someone will give me a drone to strap it to. Screw filming - I just want to see shit. 

#3 - AquaHydrate Water

Opinion - I already love this. It is the child of a strange friendship. Longtime friends P Diddy and Mark Wahlberg came together and brought us this weird water that aids in hangover recovery - or exercise recovery. The yin and yang of [seriously good looking] life. Here is a brief clip from the Ellen show they did.

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And here is the whole segment in bad low def.

Recommendation - Buy it if you can find it. It's a really decent product. It tastes good but will do nothing different about littering the earth with plastic bottles. I buy it because I love Mark Wahlberg. I am Tina Fey in "Date Night." I had to go to 3 stores to find it. GNC #1 - Vitamin Shoppe #2 - and then again with the GNC #3 Bingo! 

*** Side Story***

Vitamin stores.... I don't normally darken the doors of these establishments. Okay, I have never been in these places. Ever. I avoid coming in contact with the smell of aggressive vitamin odors. It smells like 'earth farts' up in there.

I went into the Vitamin Shoppe - it was 7pm at night in a newly developed shopping center - so my arrival was a bit like the Pope 'just dropping in' on a suburban Italian church on a Tuesday morning. They about shit themselves at my arrival. They almost RAN at me. 

"Are you guys still open?" I asked noting their total surprise.

This question only seemed to increase the excitement. It was now their job to WOW me with service. Oh they were open!

I started to laugh when I saw that one of the two employees  - who was about 5 feet tall - was just INSANELY ripped. His shirt seemed like button down scuba gear. The cotton of the oxford was STRUGGLING to appear normal over the Pamela Anderson-esque breasts that were rising from his arms. I stared at him. Speechless. His height only seemed to make it more animated. It was Wreck it Ralph after a shave wearing a vinyl outfit painted to look like a capital page. The hilarity of the sight was beginning to escape me - making me very nervous. What would I do with these earnest capable midgets? How would I ever stop smiling. My eyes were tearing up and I just KNEW that they didn't have the product I was here for. This was going to KILL THEM.

So I made up this lie - "Hi. My boss sent me here. I am supposed to see if you have (lift iPhone and reference totally irrelevant text message from my sister while pretending to be first unit producer assistant on a very important Bradjolina level feature film) if you have something called AquaHydrate'? Have you heard of it? I was told you have some here."

Gathered around me they digested this information… and you could watch their faces fall slowly. I think their muscles even deflated slightly. Some blood vessels in their necks receded. I started to smile uncontrollably again. Because as we all know - people who work out too much or who take steroids - well they are not the group known for their emotional stability. They were going to cry soon. And there was no Vitamin that could save them from it here at the "olde vitamin shoppe." 

Did I mention that I was a full head taller than them. We were different species. I got myself back into my business face and reasoned with them that "No. Thank you but I cannot purchase an alternate beverage. MY BOSS needs exactly what he asked for. Because he is a demanding superstar whose name I cannot tell you because of security reasons."

They nodded their understanding. They were not surprised that there were couriers for business GODS in their store. They were surprised that they - their store - did not have the product that was being asked for. It was almost unfathomable. 

As I drove away from their store I saw them lighting the rows of smelly pills on fire with torches with downturned faces and then a distant - but expected - two gun shots echoed in the darkness of this cold March night. It was over for them. 

And it's better that they didn't have the knowledge that I got the shizzle at the GNC that was less than a half mile away. The guy that worked there had the same look my chocolate lab has when I return from the bathroom. "Huh? Where am I?"