I have been a klutz most of my life. Since I was little, I walk into walls, coffee tables, trip over invisible bumps on the sidewalks, playgrounds, parking lots, hallways, wherever. When I was little, I was playing out in the front yard with my siblings and one of our neighbors came walking by and asked my dad if he had thought about signing me up for soccer. It was all the rage in suburban Fairfax. My dad looks at him and goes, “Have you seen her walk? You think she can run and kick the ball?” Yeah, it’s true though, I fall down a lot. Luckily, there was some magic in soccer balls, because I was able to run and kick the ball.
The soccer skills did not translate to off the pitch gracefulness. My standout move was this morning in the shower. A few years ago, I had a moment in the shower where a misbalanced step had me knock out some tiles in the bathroom wall in my shower. I would like to blame bad workmanship for the walls being soft from water seepage, but it was mostly me. So that was fixed and my roommie got me some nice frog no slip tub things. They worked nicely for a few months, I got my confidence back and took them out.
It’s been pretty uneventful until this morning when I did a somersault in my tub. I don’t know what it is, but the last few days my tub has been extra slick, Healey thinks it’s the soap I’m using which is as good a guess as any.
Anyway, half asleep at 5AM, I step into my shower, turn around and slip but instead of catching myself like normal, my other foot falls out and I’m now airborne. Not sure how I landed without knocking myself out and I’m not really sure I didn’t do damage to the bathroom, but I did manage to wake the house up with my fall. Oh the skills that I wheel. Healey was up and asking if I was alright before I really realized what happened. After all the times I’ve said to her when she ignored my texts and emails, what if I was dead? Well, this time I really could have been and she was up and ready. I guess I have to give that line a rest for a while. The frogs are going back on tonight.
There’s a Chinese word that means clumsy that’s sounds like my last name and another word combined, so making a good name for a kid (like Al Caholic from Bart Simpson, but more sophisticated). My grandmother always says that we should have been named that. If only she knew….