So about three months ago - while I was wandering around Best Buy staring at shelves and muttering under my breath about HOW TERRIBLE their customer service is – I happened to see a card hanging on a peg that showed a bracelet.
The UP Wristband by Jawbone… coming soon.
Hmmm. Mysterious. So I took the card off the peg and left the store with it. Yes, technically I stole the promotional card. Details. I was mad. There was no customer service. Don’t get me started.
So for the interim three months I have been holding this card up to Yenny going “don’t you want one? I’m so excited. I wonder if it will be expensive…. blah blah blah”… and as always with my seasonal obsessions – she supports me by googling queries about the worthiness of whatever the X gadget is. I, of course, do this because I want her to get one too. because I feel new products should be tested in groups. Of 2.
Well we learned that it was being released to retails stores Sunday Nov. 6th.
We noted what the retail outlets were (Target, AT&T and Best Buy) and put it on our calendars. The day came. We went to three stores. I almost threw something at the last store. Which not so surprisingly was a Best Buy store.
(idiots. Duh. Your inventory database SAID you had two. We knew you had two BEFORE we came here. You should die for being so unhelpful. You never even looked at a computer when we asked you if you had them. You were clearly provoking me. What? Are you psychic? Are they hiring psychics now? NO. No they aren’t cause you would suck at that, too! Slackass workers. Do your frickin jobs. This is not a community center for the socially retarded. The blue shirt means you work here. Stuffed animals could do your jobs better…. Omg… I can’t even start with my feeling about these people. It verges on hatred at the level of Bob Ryan and Karl Lagerfeld.)
(insert part where I almost threw something and I was getting to the 'yelling while talking to myself loudly' voice.)
And then they found them in the back.
I had to go find Yenny in the store. We had split up. I found her ordering the two they had in stock off her phone for in-store pick up (ha!) while patiently waiting in line at customer service.
Seriously? People, that line should start at the bloody door. What do you need all those pathways and signs in there for? All that shit is nothing but a playground for the dysfunctional asshats you hired. Just give you money to charities and have the place be a drive up serviced by robots. Shit then it could be a 24 hour establishment.
I hate Best Buy. Don’t talk to me about it.
So it turned out that they did have two. But they were both black. And Yenny is racist.
Hahahah… that was fun.
No… in the time that we were waiting for the UP to come out we agonized over what color to get. I, of course, noted that black goes with everything. And Yenny said nothing - but ultimately chose the color of her people. The color of China. Where her device was, no doubt, born. (Sure as hell wasn’t born in Ireland.)
So I left the store with an UP wristband and I immediately started judging my life through the eyes of the Jawbone gadget.
To bring us up to speed I have had the device for three days and I am in LOVE with it.
I wake up excited to find out how the machine thought I slept. I can clearly see where I got up to let the dogs out in the night or went the loo, or just generally was a 'flailing sleeper'. There is a bar chart of the entire experience.
Never before have I felt like I was productive while sleeping. Like something was or could be achieved during that time. I can map it. And it gives me a score of how “well I slept” (giggle) in a percentage (metrics beyond the image above) - like sleep is an accomplishment worthy of grading, tee hee. So when Yenny (ever finally) gets her bloody wristband we can challenge each other to who makes the most efficient use of their time and - well yeah, ultimately I want to have a sleep contest. duh.
Look for more inspired stories about “how Yenny and Healey compete via digital wristband for life efficiency dominance” coming in the near future.