There is a girl – woman – whatever, in my office that has caused me to start thinking about Christmas already. Actually she started talking about Christmas last week some time. That could have been October… geezus…<blink> anyways.
Currently – this very moment – she is listening to all of my holiday songs through the office network share.
This naturally spawned my seasonal shopping anxiety of what to get people on my Christmas list. Precious - the woman from my office – is a very special woman. This will be her very first year on my list. I want it to be memorable for her.
I have taken into consideration that she was raised Muslim. In Florida. And then moved to LA. The excuse she supplies about her over-exuberance regarding the holidays is that she is “catching up.”
Last year she had a “Tiffany’s themed teal and silver tree” that she put up the first day of November and did not take down until Valentine’s Day.
We have located the answer to why California has so many fires. She is here - now hiding on the east coast.
Well, dear girl, with all of this in mind… I have selected this wonderful Christmas jumper, just for you. Be the star of your own weird, "Christmas Now, Christmas Everywhere" fairytale in this tribute to old Saint Nick, ‘Merica and the variety of unyielding, inferior yarns that China is currently producing for ‘beginners knitting classes’ nation-wide.
You will be the Belle of the Ball at the very next all-you-can-eat-wings-happy-hour at Applebee’s. Itch your upper body with pride as you enter each room to the sea-breeze inspired awe of people who witness it. You. It-you.
I wonder what are in those adorable little wrapped gifts? Maybe diamonds!
Live Christmas and spread that joy. Keep singing. But watch your back come January.