Hambone: I don't understand why you treat us this way. Your punishment is cruel and humiliating. Why can I not return to the sanctity of my window upon my meager pillow? Why must I be held in this pergatory with the fat dog?
Me: Because you and the fat dog ate over 65 tortillias. You ate COSTCO sized bags of mexican goods. You must wear the wrappers as a badge of humlity. Of resolve. If I thought you would fit into the pretty princess tutu your ass would be IN IT right now. You have been asked to leave the kitchen because I know you hate being told to do things and I was coming up here to fold laundry anyways.
Hambone: But it was Thor. Thor is the fat dog. He is also taller and can reach the bread containment area. It was all him. YOU MUST BELIEVE ME. Take this stupid wrapper off my collar. You know I cannot reach it. I am innocent. Thor is too stupid to even be EMBARRASSED by this treatment. Look at him over there just belching and farting away to some hacienda song. He's not even facing the television. He's facing the wall and seems fine with that.
Me: You still have tortilla stuck between your teeth.
Hambone: oh. right.