My Drive into Work Today
Opting for This American Life over Radio Lab today, I learned about a man who was set on killing himself and was extensively interviewed by a pseudo-intellectual “helicopter friend” on the subject of his planned demise. As I listened I began to wonder two things 1) what type of friend interviews you on your planned suicide at age 29 and walks away? And 2) was suicidal guy actually wrong?
He was really articulate. I was almost rooting for him there for a while. I mean, I had hoped that his non-suicidal friend would have been run down by a Senior Citizens Daytime Excursion Van… and then left to rot in the street for a while. But the guy who wanted to die (and eventually succeeded) equated his attempts at suicide with going to therapy - saying it was ‘one persons responsible attempt to rectify his condition’. Bravo. I would recommend this treatment to some select politicians and anyone even remotely involved with the production of MTVs television programming. Oh hell, just everyone at MTV will be fine. Kill’em all. No one I like has been seen on that network for a decade.
So that was another uplifting podcast commute. (geezus) Back to Radio Lab or TED tomorrow.
My Vehicular Dismount
Today went MUCH better than yesterday. I wore smaller shoes so there was no issue with the clutch reaching out and grabbing my ankle, causing my body to be flung like a wet towel from the door. I did not have 55 lbs of precious computer equipment cradled in my arms to add to the cosmic pull. And there was no 'face hitting the dirty ground and then retracting to bite one’s own thumb thus drawing blood'. It’s fricking hard to start a day that way and not feel conspicuous.
It is impossible to write thoughts down [in any form] while The Village People sing Y.M.C.A.. Your brain positively bounces and your arms reflexively try to spell the letters in the air. Makes it damn hard to write… or otherwise function. I feel the need to stand up.
Learning to Draw (again)
So, when I was in college (#3) I accidentally electrocuted my right hand. Long story for another time. But I have happily blamed all of my inability to draw henceforth on that incident. The way I tell it – I was a veritable Picasso before “the zap”. Actually, that’s a bad comparison since I think Picasso was a bipolar 6 year old with a vision problem. So insert the name of a really awesome artist that could draw with Picasso above. Actually I could draw a bit better before and there is actual proof in places… but I fear it was more the effect of college drinking dumbing my brain than electrical current rushing though human limbs that changed all that.
So I am now older. And as if I was in semi retirement, I am looking for hobbies or ways to improve or distract myself. So I thought – “I like dogs” and then “I like drawings and paintings of Dogs”. So I am trying to learn how to draw canine expressions . It's bloody hard. I have tried to cheat in EVERY way I know how. Because I want to use this new sketchbook app that I bought (i <3 APPS). I want the image to be digital, not just a scan, so I can color it to my liking.
I tried tracing some dog pictures on a wacomb tablet – but the paper screws it up and then you can’t see what the hell you are doing and then the flipping paper moves – ugh, it’s exhausting trying to cheat. You would thing I could teach a clollege course on this subject by now.
So I have to actually draw shit. Taking all the bloody fun out of it and now it’s HARD.
Who wants that as a hobby? Stress???? Not me.
About two blocks from my building (I like to call this area The Home Stretch) there is an office depot right at a light. This is an agonizingly long light. Normally I sit there and consider my personal inventory of office supplies.
“Do they sell Clorox wipes? I need more Clorox wipes. I also need more tissues. But their tissues are cheap and insulting with fugly boxes that make me feel like I have been institutionalized. I want more pencils. And maybe some pretty pens that gush ink. Makes me feel rich when I have a lot of ink…”
But the past few days there has been this guy standing in from of Office Depot. And he seriously sucks in absolutely ALL of my attention. I just stare at him. He is possibly a street person. But I have known some street people (I ran a volunteer group for a while) (I know, crazy – right? Me running something). But what I learned from those guys was that the most insulting thing you can do to a homeless person is ‘not see them’. Well I have taken that thoughtful insight and demented it to something awkward and socially painful.
I now stare down all homeless people like I am going to be asked to draw them from memory for someone later. I SEE YOU. He see’s me looking at him. NO – I SEEEE YOUUUU. And then I do a personal psychological breakdown of every item of clothing (and accessories) on them. It’s intense.
So this new guy. I will now name him Eddie Burke. :) Because I know someone by that name and we do not get along very well (and he seems just the sort of person who would google himself.) Well Office Depot Eddie and I are at (visual) war. I am winning because he is wearing reflective sunglasses. So he could be blinking a lot. This is a universal cheat – just ask anyone associated with Ultimate Bet Poker.
I will try to continue reporting on this story as long as it hold my attention.
Yenny wants a mat for her office chair. Someone tell Staples to prepare their 2014 accounting for the incredible up-tick. She is not clear on what she wants. I tried to help her with the math.. but she is so limited in some areas.....