So Yenny and I were watching TV. Pick yourself up off the floor. We were watching the Travel Channel’s Chowdown Countdown and we were on 80 -61 where there was actually a place that was somewhat local to us.
Programming note – this show is like visual heroin. You will find yourself NEEDING a cheeseburger like a woman in her third trimester while you watch. We found that even pre-eating before the show does not change the situation. You will still find yourself with a primal need for foods you don’t normally give a sh*t about. So …so just don’t watch it. It’s not worth it.
Anyways…there was a place in Baltimore. I googled it WHILE I was watching it to see how far it was and if it was still open at 11pm (my viewing time). I was going to try and persuade my boyfriend to go get us pit beef. Yes I was going to abuse love. But then I thought about it…and I realized that I could not trust my boyfriend to dress the sandwich correctly. Men are well meaning but when it comes down to crunch time..they could put ketchup on a perfectly good pitbeef sandwich and render it a waste of time and protein. I know that’s harsh…but it’s how I feel.
So Yenny and I printed out the directions and promised each other we would go at our earliest convenience. Today was that day.
It cost us $4 in tolls to get to Chaps Pit Beef, but it was a mere 30 minute drive into the armpit of Baltimore. I am scared that we are actually that close to this area. It occurred to us, as we got close, that there was no panoramic exterior shot of the establishment edited into the clip we saw. Now we know why. A friend of ours, Amy McLean, saw our FB update that we were going and announced that she had been there this past weekend (wtf?) and that it was in the parking lot of a strip joint.
Awesome. What’s a Yenny & Healey Adventure without a strange awkward hair being introduced into the story? Uma/Oprah – Yenny/parking lot of a strip joint.
We found it right past the infrastructure nightmare and a burned out Mazda. It was – as previously noted – right in the parking lot of the Gentleman’s Gold Club, directly across from multiple outlets where one could rent an adult video or conveniently cash any checks they may have. We parked, went in. Noted that half the police department was there. Likely eating and checking up on the multiple ex-con’s working there.
At the table conversation: [H] “what does the little teardrop tattoo under the eye mean again? Is that ‘I went to prison for a year’ or ‘I killed one person in jail’?
[Y] “shut up. Shhh. …think it was spent one year. Shhh”
I turned to my right to look out the window at the parking lot and had an uncontrollable bark of laughter. “HA!!!!!” is all I said as I pointed at the marquee over our parked car. Yenny seemed uncomfortable by this action of drawing attention so I raised my hand higher as I pointed and gave her a FULL EYEBALL explanation of what I was looking at. Now everybody was looking at it.
“Free LapDance Day on Wednesday Feb. 24th”
No shit. I HAD to take a picture. I put down my sandwich and half stood to try and gain the best representation of the sign with my impotently zoomless iphone. Yenny became very asian and looked only at her meal.
I was suddenly THRILLED to be there. And the food was outstanding. They have this “Tiger Sauce” that the TV had told me to ‘not go without’. Blimey were they ever right. It’s like Horseradish made out with mayonnaise. The shit is awe-some.
Yenny had made an error in ordering and was presently trying to find a way into a ‘platter’ covered in gravy fries. “Is there a fricking sandwich under there?” “I dunno. Shut up.”
I was a fantastic lunch and Yenny has promised to get a bullet proof vest and stop there again on her way back from Atlantic City the next time to bring us beef-goodies. Mmmm mmm.