It is August in Washington. The heat bitch-slaps you at the opening of every external door and sweat springs from every bend in your anatomy. I choose to not participate. I choose to stay indoors…as much as possible. And my white collar job has helped me remain indoors but this has made for some seriously bored dogs. The air conditioning has fooled them and they think I am just another jerk that won’t take them to the park. Idiots. They know not the price I pay BG&E for their comfort. Okay – to be honest…it’s for my comfort. But they get to enjoy it. Shit look at that lab laying directly over the damn air vent like it’s a cold air bidet.
So I thought – what they need is a change of environment. Something to mentally stimulate them without over taxing all of us on this code red day and something indoors wouldn’t suck either. Maybe somewhere with a chair. So I decided to take them to the dog wash.
I love the Dog Wash. It’s like a car wash for animals. But with coffee. I go to Muddy Paw Dog Wash and Coffee Bar. I go in – I wait a few minutes – I get to see my dogs get a little nervous - and then kindly strangers take my stinky animals from me and wash them. <sigh> Even better is that I get to watch them suffer through a big glass window. While drinking a coffee. I see it as their monthly dose of Karma. (that’s for stepping on my throat to wake me up, asshole).
While they are in the “aqua-clink” I browse pretty leashes with matching collars. Richly textured rubber chickens. Balls that are engineered to bounce in unexpected ways. Treats. Doggie aromatherapy sprays. Necessities, really.
Usually there will be a gay guy there that I will strike up a conversation with. Or a couple that is so overly obsessed with their one animal that they are the equivalent of one transvestite (conversationally). I am happy there.
You can usually hear Hambone attempting to attack his handler from behind the glass. Howling at being touched in a way he finds inappropriate. They take the drama in stride. I like them. I often wonder what their insurance is like.
What do you do for a living? “I cajole angry somewhat domesticated animals into cold water and then rub them - with products they do not approve of - in and around areas which they consider private. I do this in front of their overprotective, self-centered owners who have lawyers on speed dial. And then once the animal is good and pissed off - I attempt to blow dry them or trim their nails. Oh, and I usually have to try and be quick about it.”
This is an environment where you should tip heavily.
For karma’s sake.