I am driving my roommate nuts again. It just comes so easily to me…it’s like when an athlete finds the perfect sport. This is my sport. I am bound for the Olympics. ☺
I am playing the same song over and over and over again.
Eventually I will find her in the kitchen humming it. And then I’ll switch the song.
It’s like audio waterboarding.
So I am going back to the nutty chiropractor.
The Magic man…Doctor Lo.
I love his picture. He hates me. Possibly because I am his polar opposite. Possibly because I treat each appointment as if I have been sent there by western medicine to investigate him. Or maybe it’s just my smile. (Sometimes that’s all it takes.)
I’m very white – incase you have never laid eyes on me. Sometimes I accidentally become the poster child for all the reasons to hate Americans. I’ve looked like this my whole life….so I’m used to it. It may actually be deeper than just looks, come to think of it…I can recall accidentally dropping a handful of spare change in a parking lot (more than once) and averting my eyes as I walked away from it. As if I had just littered. Too lazy to bend and chase little smelly coins all over the hot pavement. I did as everyone in my country does…I pretended it was a gracious charity offering for some poor soul who derives an income solely by combing convenience store blacktops.
But back to Doctor Lo. You see I had to break up with Doctor Lo last spring. It was a sad time. He was getting needy – saying things like “yuh wan yuh bak no huht - yuh need come moh often. Yuh need come tree time a wek if yuh want fix”. But I worked in the big city…far away from his magical den in the village of Crofton. I worked in the REAL world where people lived and died on New York Ave in rush hour traffic. (Not from accidents – from old age). Where civilized people holed up in conference rooms filled with Cosi sandwich platters and over-seasoned potato chips staring blankly at limp pickles (is this a vegetable?) while saying things like “well let’s focus on the 30,000 ft perspective” or “twitter is a turnkey social media tool that will change the way our demographic interfaces with the thought leaders of this issue area”. And no one threw up…can you believe it?
So I screwed up some appointments with Doctor Lo. I arrived late one too many times appearing as I had just left some sort of bank robbery in an effort to get there in time. All flushed and not completely sure that I wasn’t creating a need for a chiropractor by attempting to see one on too short a schedule.
I tried to talk to him about it. But it’s so hard to broach sensitive issues with a man who says things like ”lay face down on da tabul” – “dis hurt?” “yuh no doink da exuhcisus” “Why yuh do no exuhcisus? Yuh not want bak fixd?”. I was helpless to do more than look at his shoes through the awkward hole in the table that let me track his shoe movements.
So we broke up.
Even then I knew it would be hard. I mean it would be easier if every crazy ass prediction and solution that would come out of his mouth hadn’t have been totally and completely spot on. That drove me nuts. He was like the Chinese version of Dumbledore. He had some direct line on the answers that no one else was privy too. But I had to stop seeing him. I lived in the corporate world – people took like 3 doctors appointments a year. At the rate I was seeing Doctor Lo – people would have thought I had brain cancer. It was like twice a bloody week. At the time, I was seeing my child less than that.
I remember running into him at the gym about a month later. We both looked away upon recognizing each other. I then tripped over a poorly stowed yoga mat - which had us both mentally taking inventory on the number of reasons it would be safer for everyone if I had a regular chiropractor. But he put that look on – the ones Asians are so good at – I get it from my roommate all the time. It’s the blank eyes. The stare that translates to mean “You dumb white bitch. I’m going to pretend I don’t know your language so you’ll go away.”
But I have survived that treatment hundreds of times…and I will weather it hundreds more, no doubt. Especially since I am on a renewed exercise kick , with renewed back problems and have made a new appointment to turn myself back into Doctor Lo next Friday. Dorothy – she takes the calls at the doctor’s office – she’s nice to me. And I was happy to hear that he is taking the better part of this week and next for vacation – see – I told you…it’s like he’s clairvoyant.