This is Diesel.
He is a sensitive soul.
We know him from the dog park. The dog park where he humps every single dog that enters…as they enter. Not being a fast moving dog he has to position himself well. He humps joyously. His mother Sandra is a fabulous Lexus driving African American woman who rolls her eyes as she pulls him off of unsuspecting terriers half his size. He’s the household horny honky.
A week ago…his dad Melvin (great name. I love it when Sandra tells stories at the park and he is involved. How many successful black men are named Melvin?)
Well it seems Melvin went to Costco and bought a trash can for the kitchen. But it was no ordinary trash can – it was a brushed steel battery operated motion-detecting trash can that opened when it sensed anything nearby. When it senses something it opens for exactly 5 seconds. It’s important that I mention the amount of time – because it as just the right amount of time to NOT accomplish two things.
#1 – It is exactly 5 seconds short of being able to effectively scrape a plate of food scraps into the trashcan (they are on a well and seemingly have not garbage disposal)(so sad).
AND #2 - 5 seconds of motion-sensed garbage can open-ness is JUST enough time to freak the HELL out of an impressionable Labrador.
Since the arrival of the garbage can Diesel has taken to sitting in the doorway of the kitchen ‘watching’. He spends hours waiting for the can to open. He does not understand why it opens. It could open at any time. He is an eager witness to the ever-repeating poltergeist. A demon has possessed the trash can.
When it opens - Diesel basically drops all of his marbles. He desperately scrambles trying to gain enough floor grip to propel himself from the room. This is not exclusive to mealtime either, Diesel does this 24 hours a day now. When I see him at the dog park at 8am…he is almost too exhausted to hump anything. You have to feel bad for him.
Melvin is going to return the trash can. Sandra can’t take it anymore.